No apology in pathology

Poem by Sally Fox – performed by Jo McFarlane

No Apology in Pathology

They never say sorry when they get it wrong
even though you told them all along.

You didn’t quite agree
But technically that isn’t disagreeing
Still compliant
Just questioning
not defiant.

Twelve psychiatrists later
and a decade lost to medication and side effects…
Finally I am listened to,
having evidenced with detailed mood charts
It feels like respect
But instead, a new diagnosis is given

It’s not so much mood as behaviour driven.
Personality Disorder! and Borderline at that!
“What about Bipolar? Do they overlap?”

They can co-exist
But there’s the matter of your manias…
They’re not quite long enough, She said

So I’m a borderline Bipolar
“Can I come off my meds?”

A solemn expression followed by:
I wouldn’t recommend it

“Well I really want to. Can’t we at least try it?”

Epilim was the first to go
and signs of mania started to show:
Elation caused by the drug’s withdrawal.
We slowed down the process
to a gentler regime.
Next to go was Lamotrigine –
a cautious and careful wean.

Two years later I’m mood-stabiliser free
and I’ve completed three years in DBT

In remission and recovery
Everyone’s so proud of me
But, that damn label is still stuck to me.
There really is no apology in pathology